Category Archives: Christian life

Waiting

Waiting–it is defined by Dictionary.com as “a period of waiting; pause, interval, or delay.” Words such as inactive, repose, neglected, postponed, and halted were also used. All words which aren’t particularly welcome in Western culture especially among Western Christians. We want what we want when we want it, and no delay is permitted–Misbehaving child (Start behaving right now!); Doctor can’t see you until September (Can you make that any sooner?); You haven’t been healed yet? (You must not believe in God enough.); The piece of equipment can’t be here for three weeks. (Oh, I really need that here next week.).

We have dinners that can be fixed in five minutes (Yay, microwaves!) and texts which can be typed and sent in less than five minutes. I remember a line which was said in one of my favorite TV shows. One of the main characters was trying to send a text to a girl he liked, and the other character told him to just call her. He said in response, “No one calls anymore. Her and her friends. They only text.” Of course, the power going off forever less than five minutes later might have put a kink in that thought. 🙂

All laughing aside, we don’t like to wait. None of us do. God has plenty to say about waiting in Scripture though. I typed the words wait and waiting into You Version’s search engine, and many references come up. So many, in fact, that there is no way I could quote every one of them. I’ll quote just a few to make my point.

Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

Another one is from Psalm 130. Verse 5 says, “I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

I like Lamentations 3:24. “I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'”

Micah 7:7 says, “But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.”

There are many more where those came from. Why, then, do we have such a hard time with waiting? Why do we ask the question that the writer asked in Psalm 119:84? “How long must your servant wait? When will you punish my persecutors?” Why does Job wait for almost the entire book before God answers him? Why did the disciples have to wait three days before Jesus rose from the dead?

Let me bring the questions into the twenty-first century. Why has he/she been diagnosed with whatever fatal disease? How come it takes so long to get a diagnosis? Why does a little girl die from injuries sustained in a car accident? Why does it take so long to get a new job? Does God not know that it takes money to live down here? I laugh and then tell myself, ‘Of course He does. There are many people existing on far less than I have.’ That thought makes me feel bad, but then, I think of what my family and I are going through. It’s not that one piece of suffering is more worthy of God’s attention than another. All suffering is worthy in His eyes.

How can we enter into the life of someone who is waiting? First, we don’t castigate someone for being upset about waiting. Waiting is hard, harder than we can possible imagine. Second, we can be present and not say anything at all. Listening can be the most important thing to someone who is waiting. Another thing we can do is give input if it is asked for keeping in mind that all of us deal with situations differently. Finally, we can pray for the person and especially pray for strength and endurance. They might be waiting for a long time and knowing that someone is praying for them through this waiting season can mean everything to them.

Praying for all of us in waiting seasons right now.

God’s blessings on all of you today!

The Whole Person

Yesterday, I participated in something with my younger son that I haven’t done in a long time. I was a driver for his church youth group. We went to a city about two hours away from my home to volunteer for the day. I ended up staying with the young people to work, and it was eye-opening. It took me back to my college days when I went on mission trips with my Baptist Student Union group. Those were good times when I wasn’t quite as beaten down by life as I am now. I was excited to share about Jesus’ love and do the things He was calling me to do. It didn’t bother me to be put in a place where I was uncomfortable. I’m a generation removed from that time now so staying “comfortable” is more important to me. It shouldn’t be, but it is.

God blessed me yesterday though with this opportunity and brought up questions I want to explore. The place we went to was a place that believed in the value of the whole person–not just spiritually–but physically, mentally, and emotionally. It was a school with a neighborhood next to it, a ministry that offered support to the families who lived there. It was a place where love was poured out in buckets. It was a place which truly wanted and believed in the success of the people who lived there. It was NOT a place to get notches for converting people to Jesus and then leaving them alone in their circumstances.

I worked, I sweated, I prayed, I worshiped, I played, I did things I didn’t think I could do, but most of all, I laughed. They were my brothers and sisters in Christ, and there were no differences between us. My son’s youth group, their leaders, and I cleaned up the yard of one of the homes in the neighborhood. We also played with the children who were being cared for while their parents worked and prayed over two homes. It was a good experience for me, and one God wanted me to have.

But, it made me wonder about something, actually, several somethings. Why don’t we, as Christians, care about the success of other people? Why do we just want to put up notches of how many people we’ve converted to Jesus and move on? Why are we not willing to put our money where our mouth is? And why do we treat people badly if they can’t contribute to our own success? I don’t have answers other than to say we live in a selfish and sinful world that causes God to weep. And I think, maybe, that might be the reason God causes some of us to go through bad experiences so that we will have a “heart” for people who society doesn’t care anything about.

I also think God wants us to be authentic with one another like I’ve talked about before. We are all sons and daughters of God, and our worth shouldn’t be determined by how much we have, what we look like, or how well we can put up shields. It shouldn’t be tied up in whether people think we are “asking for a handout” or not. We should be able to live in community with one another and see each other with Jesus’ eyes like I saw yesterday on my trip.

I pray we can all see the value and worth of each person like Jesus sees them.

Praying God’s blessings on all of you today!

 

Freedom

I’m out by the lake writing today and marveling that the sun is actually out. It’s so pretty unlike the grey and cloudy day I wrote about on Friday. I look at the water and contemplate freedom. Now that the month has changed over, I think about the anniversaries occurring this month that represent freedom to me.

The third anniversary of this blog is this month. Three years ago, I remember thinking that I really needed to start a blog in which I mainly wrote about my Christian faith. I never denied my faith in my other blog, but there is no mistaking what this blog is. From the title to the header where I have Ephesians 2:8-9, it is a blog which talks about God, Jesus, and my faith–fully and honestly. I’m so thankful I have this little place to praise my Lord and Savior and to ask all the questions I’ve needed to ask. I hope some of my musings have helped you along the way.

The second anniversary this month is the big one. If you live in the United States, you know that tomorrow is the 241st anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Freedom to think, freedom to speak, freedom to write, freedom to pursue our lives the way we want to. I know some of you would say our freedoms have eroded in recent years, that you’ve had to fight this circumstance or that. I’m not here to argue specific incidents. We were given the mechanisms to fight for our freedoms, and I think they have worked fairly well over the years. I am grateful for the freedoms I have here, nonetheless.

What I am here to discuss is what we do with our freedoms whether we live in the United States or somewhere else. Because, as Christians, we answer to a higher power than just the leader of a country. We answer to our Lord and Savior. The laws and tenets that He inspired His prophets to write for us in Scripture help us to live in harmony in this world and with our brothers and sisters. They give us our moral center and help us to know how God would like us to live. Do they work all the time? No, sin exists here and will exist until Jesus comes back for us. We will fail God though we might not want to. That’s where grace comes in like it says in the Bible verses at the top of this page. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)

I look at these verses about grace and think about all of the laws from Scripture that I do my best to follow. And then I think about what Jesus says in Luke 10:27. “He answered, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind,’ and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”  This is the ‘law’ God wants us to follow most of all, and this is the ‘law’ that makes me free. Love. Love, the way Jesus loved us.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the final anniversary that is happening this month. This coming Sunday my husband and I are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary. What I’ve most appreciated about our relationship is that he’s given me the freedom to be myself. He hasn’t asked me to fit into the world’s standards or into rigid Christian standards. He’s supported my interests and has been my cheerleader for everything I’ve tried–from homeschooling to writing. Our life together has not been easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I think that’s the point of this freedom God gives us. It’s not a freedom to take advantage of people or do whatever we want. It’s the freedom to love the way God wants us to love.

God’s blessings on all of you today!

Authenticity and Joy

It’s the end of June, and I’m watching the rain come down outside my window. It’s grey and cloudy. Just like my month has been–grey and cloudy. Two more weeks, and my husband won’t have a job. (He does contract work though he does want permanent work.) I look at the rain and wonder what in the world God is trying to grow out of this. No money, nothing to give. All I have now is Jesus. Is that enough? God, will you accept just me? I have nothing to contribute to the church body. Do you love me for just me?

As I ask the question, it’s already answered. Jesus died on the cross for me. He didn’t wait for me to throw coins into the bowl beside the cross before He died for me. Giving myself to Him comes before everything else–even in the church. Keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus comes before anything else. This gives me a measure of comfort on this rainy day. I am so thankful that I count as God’s daughter first.

And, because I am God’s daughter first, I can handle what this life throws at me whether we stay here, move somewhere else. or even live on the street. God is using this time to grow me like the rain nourishing the earth.

Rain and tears–God has a point for both though is may not seem like it. I’ve been told that some people can’t handle being around other people’s pain because it reminds them too much of their own. But, we will have pain in this world, like it says in Scripture, and God has provided methods for us to express it. Maybe that is why I’m going through this pain. So, I will understand when others express their pain.

Because my heart wants authenticity  in my relationships. I have hidden things for so long, even in church relationships, that it’s hard for me to take the shields down. I’ve hidden bad things because I thought they were anathema to expressing my joy in my Lord and Savior. But, I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive anymore. Joy and authenticity can exist in the same breath. Not from telling a sad person they shouldn’t be sad because of the joy God gives us. But from sitting with a sad person in the middle of their pain and living in the moment with them.

I didn’t think I had anything to write today, but God has surprised me once again. May we all be authentic and joyful with the people in our lives!

God’s blessings on all of you today!

The Mark of Love–Dedicated to Crossbridge

Celebrating anniversaries in this culture is often overdone, but I like them nonetheless. No, not for the presents, cards, or well-wishes I might get. I like anniversaries because I get the chance to take stock and reflect. Look back at where I came from and see where I’m going. I can marvel at the good times and see how the bad times have made me stronger. I can see that God is with me everywhere.

It didn’t use to be that way. Five years ago this month, my older son and I had just started visiting Crossbridge, the church we all attend now. He had asked if we could visit a church, and I agreed. The other members of my family weren’t ready yet so it was just the two of us. I think about this today because it is a Wednesday. Tonight, I will go to worship my Lord and Savior. I will listen to my son play the cojon as part of our worship team, listen to a speaker as part of our summer series, and fellowship with my faith family at table. I’ll watch the kids run around and talk with the adults.

Five years ago, it wasn’t like that. I would drop my son off at church and go to the bookstore to write. While I trusted the recommendation my friend had given me, I didn’t feel comfortable enough to stay myself. I didn’t have the mark of love on my heart that I do now for the people at Crossbridge. I had not yet invited God back into my heart. I was still too wounded from had happened in previous churches. Boy, has my life changed in five years. Now, God is back in my heart, and now, I can feel the mark of love in my heart.

What does “mark of love” mean? I recently heard a similar phrase in a song, and it struck me. “Keep Your Eyes on Me” is a song by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, and it’s a part of the The Shack movie soundtrack. I haven’t seen the movie yet though I have read the book and listened to several songs off the soundtrack. Here is the exact phrase I heard. “Ain’t it just like love to leave a mark on the skin and underneath.” The phrase made sense to me though I had never heard it before. As we get to know someone, there are shared conversations and experiences, some good and some bad. We realize we have a lot in common, and we come to have warm feelings for that person. I would state that this is the mark of love. We can have it for our loved ones, and we can have it for our friends. I believe God wants us to take that mark of love one step further. When we accept Jesus into our heart, God wants to give us that mark of love for everyone in the world, for our brothers and sisters in Christ and for those who don’t know Him. It’s not something we can do ourselves in our own strength, only with God’s strength can we love someone the way He wants us to.

Another song from the soundtrack also illustrated love in a powerful way to me. The song “Heaven Knows” by Hillsong United shows how love can exist even through the bad times. I especially liked this stanza:

“Hold my heart, don’t let it break like fear
Sometimes a moment feels like a thousand years
God only knows why love is drenched in tears
Maybe that’s what makes it love
Maybe that’s what makes it love”

Many of us walk away when someone we love hurts us, from our friends, from our families, from the church. It is hard to work through pain and suffering when we’ve been taught to hide it for so long. At least, that’s what I was taught. But, these words ring true for me. I want to live in a way that I love through everything–the good, the bad, the pain, the hurt, the laughter, the joy, the suffering. I think that’s what God wants from all of us.

So, Crossbridge family, I dedicate this post to you. Thank you for inserting the mark of love in my heart and for opening my heart to God’s love. Thank you for loving me through the tears. Thank you for showing Jesus to me and to my family. I love you all!

 

The Sparrow

When I’m thinking of blog topics, God sometimes brings life experiences or just a word to mind. Today, it’s a word. Sparrow.

The sparrow is a small bird; most varieties being less than an ounce in mass. It is mentioned in Scripture though as an example of God’s provision though. An example, I think, God wanted me to see.

Jesus is speaking in Matthew 10:29-31. “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

I like this reference from Psalm 84:3. “Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young–a place near your altar, Lord Almighty, my King and my God.”

Out of all the varieties of birds that God made, He mentions the sparrow and that the sparrow is near His altar. The sparrow is not a large bird; yet God mentions it specifically. It is a reassuring thought like no other. He also says we (human beings) are worth more than many sparrows. That thought is even more reassuring because sometimes I don’t feel like I’m worth a whole lot to God. When bad things keep happening and happening to me with no let-up and no reprieve, I don’t feel worthy. God could smooth over those rough paths for me, but sometimes He chooses not to. It is hard for me when He chooses not to because I see many people in the world and in the church whose paths look like they’ve been smoothed over. I will admit that I get jealous of those people. I want my path to be smooth while I’m here like the others I see.

But, that’s not the point with this faith I have. We’re not called to be comfortable while we’re here in this world. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, a method of death in Roman times known for its brutality. Millions of people have died or suffered in some way since Jesus’ death and resurrection just for having faith. So, not comfortable at all.

The words in the previous paragraph might make people think that all Christians are supposed to be homeless and hungry. And yes, I know there are many people in this world who are homeless and hungry, Christians included. I go back to the sparrow though, the small bird who is completely provided for by God and who God says we are worth more than. It helps me to remember that God will provide for us and that we won’t be homeless or hungry. It might look different from what I have now. It will be His provision though, and it will be enough. May all of us have a sparrow moment today!

God’s blessings on all of you!

Panic Attacks–Yes Even Christians Get Them

In my last two blog posts, I’ve spoken about getting out of the “faking fine” game at church. The book I reviewed in my last post, “No More Faking Fine”, was a great resource, and one, I suspect I will be tapping into for a long time.

Anyway, this past week I volunteered at the Vacation Bible School at my church. I was a tribe leader and really enjoyed my group of kids and my junior helpers. We all connected well and had a great time learning about Jesus and getting to know each other. We even made up our own song which was cool too.

The words “panic attack” don’t seem conducive to all of this, but I’m getting there. Towards the end of the week, I was asked why I wasn’t teaching in the children’s area. My hands started shaking, and it seemed like all the blood had drained from my face. I was wondering why I had been asked. This all happened in seconds though it seemed like hours. I made a brief excuse which seemed to satisfy the person and the other people who asked me. I guess the good time my tribe was having gave the impression that I had some great teaching ability.

I went home and thought about it some more. The teaching part intrigued me because I did work in a classroom before I began homeschooling so yes, I do have some experience. But then, the voices came. ‘Why would you want to teach? You have nothing to give these kids. There’s no security in your life. Why would you have it to give these kids?’ Yes, that particular thought was true. While I have the security of my relationship with Christ, I don’t have any other kind of security. At least the kind of security that other Christians seem to believe is important.

My hands started shaking again, and my thoughts went tumbling all over the place. I was in the middle of a true panic attack. I wasn’t sure what to say or do or if I needed to say or do anything at all. It was overwhelming to say the least. There was no way my mind or heart could believe that I had the ability to teach in the children’s area. I had to forcibly put the idea out of my mind for the weekend, or I wouldn’t have been able to function at all.

I woke up yesterday morning though with a reason behind the panic attacks. It could only have come from God. I was having panic attacks about teaching because of what had happened to me in our previous churches. The churches where, after I had been asked to teach Sunday School and had been teaching for a while, the people decided we were no longer good enough. After they had gotten what they wanted out of me, I was no longer good enough. My family was shunned for reasons I still don’t understand, and we left the church. So, being asked to teach had opened a locked box in the back of my head, and shame filled me. Shame, even in the midst of our VBS celebration.

We got to the end of our service, and I thought maybe I should ask for prayer. Then the voices came back and the shame along with it. ‘How could I explain something like this in ten seconds? How could I say I didn’t want to teach because I was abandoned by my church family the last time I tried? How could I say I was scared people would decide they no longer wanted to be a part of my life once they had gotten what they wanted out of me?’ There was no way I could so I didn’t ask for prayer, and the service ended.

It bothered me so much though that I came back to pray after my husband and son went in one direction, and I had dropped my other son off somewhere else. I sat at the cross by myself with my hands shaking and my thoughts in turmoil once more. I yelled and screamed at God. “Why, God? Why?” I truly lamented elements of my past for the first time. Dealt with things I thought I had packed away a long time ago. God and I talked for a long time, and I felt the first steps toward healing. Just the first steps, mind you, but enough to where my heart didn’t hurt so much.

I couldn’t recommend this practice of lamenting more highly. God wants a relationship with us, and He can take the yelling and screaming. I just wish I had the courage to share my laments with people in person, but maybe, that day will come. I pray today that we will all have the courage to have a real relationship with God–laments and all.

Praying God’s blessings on all of you today!