I have spoken on this blog before of suffering from depression. It can come on suddenly, or it can come on so gradually that I don’t even realize it until I’m in the middle of the darkness. The latter is where I am right now. It has been one thing after another for the past month. Hospital stays, job concerns, getting homeschool finished, going to baseball games, trying to get some writing under my belt. Just a lot of stuff. And the thing is, I, being the mom and being the wife, am usually the one everyone else relies on for support. I’m the person everyone asks about the status of the family, and while I’m grateful people ask, I sometimes wish someone would ask how I’m doing.
It’s a lot of pressure we moms put on ourselves not to appear weak before others, to keep the perfect Christian shield up. Couple that with someone whose brain chemistry is not the best and you have what could be a disaster in the making. It’s hard to be honest when you don’t feel like the Christian you think you should feel like. It’s especially hard when all you feel is darkness around you.
God has been with me in the darkness though. He promises that in His Word. Micah 7:8 says, “Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though, I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.”
Two verses from my favorite psalm also illustrate this. Verses 11-12 of Psalm 139 state, “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”
Another verse is Psalm 18:28. “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”
There are many more examples, but you’re reading this blog to read my writing and not just Bible verses, at least that’s what I hope. 🙂
So, God has been with me. He has been my light in the darkness. I firmly believe that with all of my heart. It has been a matter of trust and faith to navigate these feelings of darkness and loneliness and sadness.
He knows we all need encouragement though even those who are wired like me and who go through these times of depression. This is where the wisps of light come into play. I’ve had a few of those in the last several days. One from an online friend who asked how I was doing. One from a baseball dad who was willing to bring my son to church after a ball game because I needed to worship. One from a friend who helped my husband and I move our older son home from college after his exams were over. And one, from my husband who helped me put something together I had been dreaming about for months. These have all been wisps of light and have been things God has used to encourage me.
A final Scriptural example brings all this home to me. Isaiah 50:10 says, “Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on their God.”
This tells me that my heart and my hurt have a purpose in God’s eyes and that even though I’m going through this time of depression, my Lord and Savior has not abandoned me even though other people might because they don’t understand.
God’s blessings on all of you today!