I know I have been posting regularly on Monday for the last few weeks, but I had some words I just needed to get out today. For the last few weeks I’ve been feeling the sting of not feeling good enough or normal enough to be in the church. I have a friend who says I give a voice to what most Christians are afraid to voice, and I’m starting to think that is true. In the church, we pretend things are normal and don’t speak of the things that are on our hearts. We pretend things are okay and don’t spend time on our knees praying for each other. We put up shields as I’ve spoken of before, and we leave church lacking in the things Jesus wants to give to us. It has made me feel isolated and alone. Not sure where I first heard the phrase I am using for today’s title, but I think it fits my feelings. Today, I feel like I’m a misfit toy.
God was able to use people in Scripture though that started out as misfit toys. Peter denied Jesus three times, but became a leader in the early Christian church. Paul started out by killing Christian believers, but after his experience on the road to Damascus, he became one of the earliest missionaries and spread the Gospel over the known world at the time. There were misfit toys in the Old Testament as well. Moses stuttered. David had an affair. Jonah ran away from God and was swallowed up in the belly of a whale for three days. I could go on and on and on, but I think you get the point.
I’ve realized something though. There is someone who is always there for me. When I feel awkward about not having the right kind of family, I have Jesus. When I feel ashamed or think people are ashamed of me because I live in an apartment and not a house, I have Jesus. When I long for friendship and it’s just not there, I have Jesus. When I think people talk to me because of the things I do and not because of who I am, I have Jesus. When I get tired and want to cry, but don’t feel like I can, I have Jesus. When I need a hug, but feel awkward about asking, I have Jesus. When I don’t think I’m contributing, I have Jesus. When I am a misfit toy, I have Jesus. Jesus is always there, always in my heart when I can’t voice or even write my feelings. (and it’s rare for me not to be able to write my feelings down) He is there when there is no one else, and I am so grateful He died for me on the cross. He died for you too, and if I don’t communicate anything else today, I want to tell you that. All you need to do is believe, and it doesn’t matter if you are a misfit toy.
God’s blessings on you all today!