For those of us who claim Christ, this is what Satan most likes to do. He likes to steal our joy and take us away from the peace that is ours through Jesus. It can be an easy thing to do when you are worn down by life as I have been for the last several weeks. It can be an even easier thing to do when you have a hard time letting people in to your heart as I do as well. I don’t know what the solution is. I’ve been told I write my way through the things I need to think about well so this is my attempt to do so.
It’s hard for me to let people in when I hurt. I feel like I should always show joy because of my faith. There is a person at my church who is a good example of showing joy even though her mother died recently. People flock to her and are there for her. I know that sounds like jealousy, and I don’t mean it that way. I guess I just have fear that people won’t be there for me, and I believe a lot of that comes from my upbringing. My upbringing that taught me I wasn’t a valuable person. My upbringing that says I deserve it when people say cruel words to me. My upbringing that won’t let me let go of fear even when Jesus says I should. I revert back to my old patterns when life overwhelms me as it has in the past month.
So, is there any solution or is this something I will work through for the rest of my life? I think the answer to both halves of this question are yes although the question itself sounds like one of the answers should be a no. The solution is to hang onto my relationship with Jesus Himself which I have, sometimes with a desperation that surprises even me. God hears my prayers, and He is always there for me even when no one else is. Even when I feel alone. So, in that sense, I will work through these feelings for the rest of my life.
In the previous paragraph, I state the most obvious solution to how I need to handle Satan’s attempts to steal my joy–to hang on to God with all my might. But, there is something else God wants for me, and it is something I am the most fearful of because of the chance of rejection. God wants me to let people, regular human beings, into my heart and have relationships with them. He is waiting to use them to bring joy into my life and allow me to show His joy if I will only let Him. Wow, the last sentence just jumped off of my fingers without me even thinking about it! I guess I know what I need to work on now. 🙂
God’s blessings on you today!